Two pink lines…
So many conflicting thoughts running through my mind making me want to throw up.
You’d think that the third time around wouldn’t catch me so off guard. You’d think I would know it was coming. That I’d know how to handle it, but the feelings all come swirling back, as if it was my first time being pregnant again.
How do I tell my husband?
When do I tell him?
Will he be happy? Sad? Upset?
Am I really ready for all of this...again?
I stared at the strip again, wondering if I could have made a mistake. Two lines beam unmistakably back at me then wash out of view as tears slip past my nose blurring my view.
Finding out you’re pregnant is a big deal, no matter how many times you’ve given birth. It’s another life forming inside of you. This means a lot of changes! Moodiness... Morning sickness… A growing body… restless nights… frequent bathroom trips… that never satisfied appetite…. Not to mention all the looks and comments from well-meaning, or purely ignorant, people that some days roll right off your shoulders and other days get stuck rolling around and around, unrelentingly, between your ears.
Being pregnant is hard, but it is also beautiful! You get to feel the swimming butterflies and the little hands and feet of the one forming inside of you, before anyone else in the world even knows their name or that they even exist.
Personally, pregnancy is not something I look forward to, but I LOVE babies! Snuggling that precious bundle, whom I had struggled to create for nine months, makes it all worth it in the end.
One of the hardest parts for me, is remembering all the challenges I went through with my first two pregnancies and wondering if I will have to go through them again.
Will morning sickness hit me as hard?
Will I have another miscarriage and have to deal with all the emotional and physical repercussions?
Will we be able to afford having another baby?
Will postpartum depression rear its ugly head again?
Will my relationship with my husband be as difficult?
So many questions, one after another float into my mind and overwhelm me. I have to remind myself to take a step back, breathe, and remember the One who is in control. I need to remember the snuggles and the smiles that come at the end of all of pregnancy, knowing that somehow it will all work out in the end.
Pregnancy may be hard and we may not have everything worked out, but it is still amazing. I should consider it an honor above all, as there are so many people who want nothing more than to be pregnant and yet it is an impossibility for them, for whom my heart breaks.
I do think that the more times I am pregnant, the more I learn to enjoy it, as it does go by so quickly (even when you swear it is taking FOREVER when you are in the moment—the last 2 weeks, especially). I have and am learning to see joy through the uncomfortable.
The heart learning to beat blood through the nauseating sickness.
The arms that are just learning to stretch through tossing and turning all night.
The feet that are gaining strength in kicking bruised ribs.
The life that is preparing to come out in constant potty breaks.
That life is a miracle growing within me, that God has blessed me with; to hold, grow and raise up in His ways.
So for the upcoming months, may I never forget to give thanks for the little life that is growing so determinedly within me. May the life that I don’t even know yet, see the light of day, and be a blessing to those who meet him/her. And may my baby grow up to know the King of the Universe and serve Him in whatever way they were created to. And may I have the discernment to pick up on their gifts and abilities, teaching and training them in the way they should go. –This, a mother’s prayer, all to the will and purpose of the Creator of Life itself. By
Melody, a proud mother of three beautiful, adventurous children and the wife of one very loving and caring husband. Molded, daily, by the Maker of the Universe and longing to become more like Him.